Rose regularly treats her Lurid Listeners to a sexy story read on her podcast and in this episode, because she likes my work, she has included “What Do You Like?” from Incorrigible & Intimate! She is quite the curator of lurid tales and I am so happy to be a part of it!
Well, I’ve never broken down in tears on stage, but this one hit me hard right in the middle.This is a departure from my usual work, but, it’s something that I think needs to be said. I said sometimes it seems like having the soul of a poet is like having an open wound. I just feel things, very deep, so deep that when I try to shake it, it rattles around, but won’t get out of my head until I write it or perform it…and even then.. it isn’t always exorcised.
Damn it Mr. Williams
Damn it Mr. Williams
Why the fuck.
Why don’t we cry for a person
When they’re still alive?
Why when they’re hurt,
Can’t we do more than make a face
and say ‘I sympathize’
Why doesn’t another person’s pain touch us until they’re gone?
Why can’t take away another person’s pain at all?
And why are people with such a depth of empathy, the tenderest caring souls who let the world truly touch them,
treated as though they’ve lost their minds,
Even before they lose their minds.
The end of life is death,
and death should make the story arc complete,
it feels as if when a person commits suicide their lives become a book with the last chapters torn out.
Damn it Mr. Williams, Damn it Ms. Monroe,
Damn it Hemmingway and Mr. Conaway and Gray
and Thompson, Plath, Hutchence, and Woolfe and Cobain
And Van Gogh
And everyone who ever killed themselves,
because, there was more story
And Damn it Justin
And Damn it my cousin
And Damn it my friend in high school
And I can’t judge
Damn it Me
I considered it too, so many times,
Stood right at the edge and looked down,
It looks so easy on TV
But it’s not
It’s hard to override the body’s overwhelming need to self preserve
When a person truncates their own fate, it has taken every last part of them to fight for that break.
I’ve driven blind,
and sped through bottles of pills,
never really attempting
still challenging death to take me
but I’m not hers yet.
I took the fear and the queasy chest
The endorphin high of pushing too far too fast as evidence that even though death was standing so very near,
That the fear was in some way,
a desire to live.
When you’re dead, you can’t change anyone’s mind anymore
And you can’t change you’re own ever again either.
If the one constant of existence is change
Even when the possibility of change doesn’t matter to me anymore,
I know objectively that will change too
Some suicides are selfish,
they don’t think about anyone else’s harm
But some care too much
Because an open heart
can be an open vein gushing empathy and love
The church has it wrong
these will be saints too
Because saints, are people who give everything
Giving so much, but not knowing how to accept the same gifts in return
Damn it Mr. Williams,
Damn it Robin, can I call you Robin?
and damn them whoever they are
The people or molecules in your brain, who pushed you to break and not bend.
I wish you had just one more change of mind, one more chapter.
“Fox Smoulder’s work also messes around with gender expectation, allowing people to be whomever they want to be. In the aural photographs taken by Fox Smoulder, there are no stereotypes, but rather people with tastes as varied as the human race, all of whom are welcome and free to interact in ways that make each other happy.”
You’ve asked, so I know you want it… WELL IT’S HERE! As of midnight my album Incorrigible & Intimate is available for download on Amazon and iTunes! I’m still working on physical distribution, but if you see me out and about, just ask. I have a few shows coming up where I’ll be available, most notably the Fierce Queer Burlesque Fest in Madison, WI this weekend and Top Drawer here in Minneapolis on August 15-17th. Check my Facebook page or previous posts here for the links! I’m so excited!
CDs and merch in hand, the party planning has begun for my album release! Though it’s going to be available before the release because I have two festivals coming up! The official release day when it’ll be available will be when I’m at the Fierce Queer Festival in Madison, WI on July 25th.
This will be the same day it will become available online at CDBaby.com, Amazon and iTunes too!
Your next opportunity to see me is at Top Drawer Burlesque Fest here in Minneapolis on August 15-17th!
Somewhere before or after these will be a party just so we can Fox around! So stay tuned!
Now on to the free stuff. I’ve put together a desktop wallpaper and a couple of phone wallpapers for you to download. I’m not good with photoshop, but I think I have them sized right for the different screens. You should e able to right click on the image and DL the linked file. If this doesn’t work, let me know in the comments, I’ll try to fix it. 🙂
Last Wednesday I was invited by MP Johnson to perform at the launch for his new title: Dungeons and Drag Queens. It was a lot of fun, and I have to say, after hearing him read the first three chapters, I’m looking forward to reading the rest! It’s available on Amazon, though they still had a few copies at the hosting bookstore, Common Good Books, if you want to check it out.
I thank him for generously inviting me to perform at his launch. The temptation to simply take the opportunity to strip and frolic in the stacks was overwhelming, but I managed to keep myself under control, and just take off my shirt. 😉 It was interesting doing what I do at a book store though and it got me thinking.
I love sharing my poetry aloud to a crowd, (free rhymes included with every post btw), even though sometimes sharing my poetry makes me feel more exposed and vulnerable than taking my top off. In my poems I’m sharing a part of me that is definitely deeper than my skin, and there is a power within a voice. That’s why I think even when we read silently we still sometimes hear the words inside our minds spoken in a familiar voice.